discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
