I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
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How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
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What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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