She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
