is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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