She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
