I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
