Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
