Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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