I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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