he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
