Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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