i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
