you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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