Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
