Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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