We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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