Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He did a backflip because drugs
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