This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
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is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
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How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.