he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.