my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans