i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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