does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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