Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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