I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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