found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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