I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
