I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I fill condoms, not promises.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
