Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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