I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
