Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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