Michael Bay diarrhea
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
