it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
