Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
