the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
