We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize