He uses pillows to masturbate.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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