I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
