Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
