Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
