She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
