Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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