Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
