A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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