sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize