dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
