you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just pee around me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
