Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
