I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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