This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
