hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
