I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
