I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
