Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
