2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
