Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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