i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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