She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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