Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
