Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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