I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
