Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
