She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
