so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
