dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
