May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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