Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize