Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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