I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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