Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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