i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
