I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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