It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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