this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
