turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
