So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
