He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize