i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
