If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
