you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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