I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
