did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
