i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
