I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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